The most erroneous stories are those we
think we know best - and therefore never
scrutinize or question.-
Stephen
Jay Gould
I stood curbside on Alii Drive this
past Saturday, watching
Triathletes go by during the marathon
portion of the race. I was by myself so I
couldn't help
but overhear the conversations around me and
became acutely aware of
the stories that accompanied the runners and the
people
that surrounded them. It was quite a contrast.
There was the cheerful group of Brits who
chalked
messages on
the south and north bound lanes for "Muppet" and
engaged themselves with other bystanders as they
cheered and clapped for the runners. Of
course they
were the loudest when their muppet, Chrissie
Wellington (first place finisher in the women's
division) came by.
Later in the day, I stood near two women who
spoke no more than three words an hour. They
didn't
clap or cheer like the rest of us, they just
watched.
Then the younger of the two stepped toward
the road
and waved to a runner who slowed down to
talk. The
man told her that he was having a terrible race
because his body had peaked four weeks ago!
As he
slowly made his way back onto the course, she
appeared as dejected as he sounded and took
hold of
the older woman as they slowly walked away.
Much later, a friend and I were in touch by
phone as we followed her son's progress
through a
GPS system. He slowed down, even stopping at
times
because of a digestive problem but his mother
was
sure that he would finish. "He's been through
so much
more than this before, this is nothing. He'll
pace
himself and walk if he has to, he'll just be
in a bit later
than he expected."
I began to think about the words I'd
heard all day,
the athletes' stories told in news articles
and by race
commentators. We tell and hear stories
throughout
our lives. Some we believe, some we remember and
many, we live. Through the course of a
lifetime, they
become so intricately woven that we don't
know if a
story told to us has become us or vice versa.
Others have wondered too as "researchers
found
strong correlations between the content of
people's
current lives and the stories they tell.
Those with mood
problems have many good memories, but these
scenes are usually tainted by some dark
detail. By
contrast, so-called generative adults - those
who
score highly on tests measuring
civic-mindedness,
and who are likely to be energetic and
involved - tend
to see many of the events in their life in
the reverse
order, as linked by themes of redemption. They
flunked sixth grade but met a wonderful
counselor and
made honor roll in seventh. They were laid
low by
divorce, only to meet a wonderful new
partner. Often,
too, they say they felt singled out from very
early in
life - protected, even as others nearby
suffered." (1)
Do we
seek and huddle with people who enjoy the same
stories, much the way sports fans do?
Psychologists
think that the stories we tell are shaped by
the beliefs
that guide our questions. If this weekend's
athletes and their cheering sections are proof,
I'd tell you to
look around at the people who surround you.
Don't
they reflect who you think you are?
"Oh, and you know what?" my friend
continued about her son, "he injured his calf
muscle a
few days ago
but we didn't mention it...it's not part of
the story." About
an hour later, I watched him run across the
finish line
with no perceptible limp or hint of fatigue.
That's my
story.
Sources:
(1) This Is Your Life (and How
You
Tell It) - New York Times
Photo: Prozac74