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Be Happy, for the Good of All Concerned!

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.-Thich Nhat Hanh

 

 

The results of a long-term study were revealed last week and affirm that "happiness spreads among people up to three degrees removed from one another. That means when you feel happy, a friend of a friend of a friend has a slightly higher likelihood of feeling happy too." (1)

Before you start crossing your sad friends off your list, know that although sadness does spread across a network, it doesn't move as swiftly as happiness.(2) James Fowler (UCSD), co-author of the study, says that you should just make more of an effort to spread happiness than spend time avoiding unhappy people.

Social beings that we are, it makes sense that we'd be hardwired as transponders of emotions. Early survival may have well depended upon one's ability to "read the energy" of unfamiliar territory.

A few years ago, I moved into a little studio sandwiched between two larger homes. I remember feeling safe and happy at night whenever I heard Michael next door, raucously laugh while watching television. During the day, the man who lived above me sang along to every song from the old Hit Parade magazines! Guffawed, aptly describes what I did in response.

Today, I live in a much larger space surrounded by many people that I haven't even met but they must be happy, because I am. Now it's nice to know that the inverse could also be true: they're happy because I'm happy.

If you're a regular reader, I can't help but assume that you're also a happier-than-average person or you would have cancelled your subscription after the first twenty happiness related articles of mine. :D The world needs us and we don't have to donate a cent or forward another e-mail to make a difference . Just see to it that you're happy. Be the eye of the storm and change its course.

Ponder one of my favorite Abraham-Hicks suggestions: The best thing you could do for anyone that you love, is be happy! And the very worst thing that you could do for anyone that you love, is be unhappy, and then ask them to to try to change it..."

Sources:
(1) CNN.com: Happiness is contagious in social networks.

(2) NPR: Clusters of Happiness (video 01:20)

Photo: Tony

Yoga for Happiness

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.
-Denis Waitley

Happiness was the subject of my Saturday yoga class. While we Americans have the right to pursue it, happiness is not mandatory in the land of the free (unless you were in class on Saturday). Most folks find it easy to conjure up visions and memories of the people, things or activities that make them happy only when they are physically comfortable. We might even shy away from certain activities because we think we'll be uncomfortable and thus, unhappy.

Yoga is a perfect illustration. The true genius of the Mother Sequence of yoga poses that I'm practicing, is it's emotional focus: joy and happiness upon inhaling, peace and calm while exhaling. When I was first learning the sequence, I was too concerned about the order of the postures and whether I was to inhale or exhale with a certain movement. Breathe in joy? When do I breathe in? I was focused on getting it right, rather than just getting it. I'm sure the instructions warned me, I just didn't hear it.

The more I practiced, I began to get it right, and then I got it: joy on the inhalation, peace on the exhalation. I began to see the possibilities in life off my yoga mat as well. In traffic, in pain, in the dark hours of the night...one complete breath can bring me a balance of happiness and calm. I am certain that it will soon (with practice) become my default setting, a reflex emotion.

Don't think I'm at the top of my game though, there are some powerful variations to the Mother Sequence that I still want to learn and the process will start all over. The next time however, I intend to remain happy even when my body might be out of balance in a new pose and my nerves are struggling to decipher and carry the messages to and from my brain. Whatever I'm doing, I want my cells to interpret joy and learning, much like a child does; and not fear and doubt, like someone resigned to the process of aging.

Fake It Till You Make It: "Acting Chirpy Makes You Happy, Researchers Say"

Don't like "chirpy"?: 21 Ways of Becoming Happier

There's more: Practicing Gratitude Can Increase Happiness by 25%

Photo: Janoid

The Best Yet!

I was reading one of my favorite blogs yesterday, Senia.com, in which she referred to the Most, Best, First Game.  The object of the game is "to savor and find those items that are the 'most, best, first' experiences for you. Aim for one per day." You can play it anywhere, anytime, alone or with a number of people. It sounded so happy, light and free.  I made a mental note to try it.

It was early (5:30am) and it was also my birthday. Gradually, birthday messages began to appear via e-mail and then the phone calls began. I also made calls to people I know, who share the same birthday. A very sunny day was dawning in Kona.

Then I got a call from West Virginia to inform me that my dear Armand Singer had decided to "tap out". He's been in the hospital for 5 weeks now in the bravest battle of, and for, his life. Yesterday, he decided that he had had enough. Once I recovered from the reality of his decision, I began to feel as though he had given me a very special birthday present. It felt as though he was handing me something precious to take care of.

Throughout the day, I noticed so many things that qualified as the Most, Best and First.  I had run out of candles to light for Armand and made a note to stop at the store for more. Then the First birthday gift of the day were candles from my dear neighbor. Later, I had the Best massage ever from Moku (and his massages are always good), the Most delicious brownies from Krista. More gifts and phone calls poured in.

I taught a yoga class at 6pm and felt so energized from my massage that I decided that we'd go through the entire Mother Sequence. When we were done, a young man in the front row said, "This was the Best class yet!" Then I went home to find an arrangement of gifts on my kitchen counter (each item representing something about me), along with a dinner invitation. After a late night dinner in town, I could only say one thing, "This is the Best birthday I've ever had!"

I found myself playing the flip sides (Joy and Sadness) to Life's long-playing album all day, but Joy was the song that played the loudest and longest.

Thank you to all of you who participated in my Most, Best, First Game!

Photo: Scouting Plus

It's in Your Hands.

You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
-Indira Gandhi

A friend and I were talking a few days ago about forming the habit of feeling good. I can best relate it to the practice of sitting up straight. If I am not vigilant when I sit in front of the computer, gravity reels me in and at some point I just don't feel good and notice that my spine has begun to slouch. As soon as I sit upright again, all is well. It's a habit that I've acquired, thanks to yoga.

During the last few years, I've come to realize that maintaining a state of joy and happiness also requires a diligent practice. If I am not vigilant, I easily slouch and succumb to the emotions and energies of those near to me, yet I have so much more to offer when I am upright and happy. I'm learning that my emotional posture is my primary concern.

It seems absurd that anyone could find comfort and familiarity in arguing or delight in depreciating another person. It must be an acquired habit, just like slouching. As Abraham-Hicks observes:

"We have a fun way of looking at it: Let's say you have a piece of very fine sandpaper, and you rub it with your fingers. It is so fine that at first, it feels almost like velvet. So you rub it a little more, and a little more, and a little more...

In the beginning, there is no detriment to this experience. But the longer you rub it, the more unpleasant it becomes. Your skin is beginning to feel some sensitivity--and after an hour or two, maybe even some beginnings of blisters. Yet sometimes, that sandpaper is really the only thing visible in the room. And even though the experience is not very pleasant, you've got this habit going.

Then, all of a sudden, you realize "Hey, I don't have to do this!" and you simply lift your fingers up off the sandpaper!

This is a deliberate intent to remove yourself from this irritation. The sensation of lifting up is wonderful. As you lift off, it almost feels like spider webs pulling from your fingers. We want you to begin reaching for that ensuing sense of relief.

You've had your eye on this sandpaper. It seemed justified, it seemed important. People talked to you about it, there's evidence of it in your life, and everything seems to be somehow about sandpaper. But in reality, there is it, and there is the absence of it, and you do have a choice of whether or not to lift your fingers--your thoughts, that is--off of what is evoking this unpleasant experience.

Begin to take pleasure in feeling relief from it."

Handshakes are believed to have originated as a gesture of proof that the hand held no weapon. So the next time you bring your hands together in namaskar , come in peace and give thanks to all of the habits you now engage in that lift you. As your hands press open to each other, feel the relief of knowing that your happiness lies in your hands.

Photo: CDRP

Happiness, underfoot.

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.
- James Oppenheim

What good is it to feel good? A group of researchers at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill have this to offer:

"Our science to date tells us that genuine positive emotions may in fact be the single most important active ingredient in this recipe for flourishing. When this ingredient is lacking, or in poor supply - people get stuck. They lose their freedom of choice. They become stagnant and painfully predictable. But when this ingredient is in ample supply - people take off. They become generative, creative, resilient, ripe with possibility and beautifully unpredictable. Our research team is working to show how it is that being moved by positive emotions can move you forward, and not only lift you to your higher ground, but also create a world that is worth giving to our children."

Senia Maymin, is the editor of Positive Psychology News Daily and in her blog post on Friday, wrote about the AfterLife. The "after this" and "after that" life where we promise to do all of the things we keep meaning to do. She asks, "what are you doing in the now-life to make yourself happy?"

I hear you: "You mean it's not enough that I floss everyday, drink 8 glasses of water, save my money for taxes and retirement, submit to a colonoscopy and laugh at my bosses pointless humor? I have to be happy while doing it?"

I'm sure no one would fault you for not being able to reach the state of joy while having a colonoscopy, but if you are able to hold thoughts of any kind of future that is beyond the next 60 minutes, don't you have something to be happy about in this moment?

All it takes is a little practice. If you've had a yoga practice for any length of time, standing or sitting up straight just feels much better than slouching. It's quite the same with emotions.

If you make it a practice to complain and criticize, you'll find a circle of like-minded people and circumstances gathering around you. Meet the world with an open heart and always reach for a happier thought, even if it's a fraction of an inch up the emotional scale, and the grumps start to turn away or turn into happy people.

Not convinced?
Optimists Live Longer
What kind of a Tater are you?

Illustration:Threadless T-shirts

Looking for a wider view...

As a daily practice, I use the emWave device to reach heart  coherence and find it fairly easy to stay in the upper reaches of the emotional scale. What I'm now beginning to feel the need for is a set of new lenses: wide angle and telescopic. No, not for my camera (yet) but for my personal outlook. It's time to start asking for more and then to move along in expectation.

It's like a drive-through restaurant: you place an order and go forward to pick-up the food. Pity the fool who sits and waits, then grumbles that it's taking so long while her order waits, up ahead. I have actually driven past the pick-up window without stopping for my order! That was before I fell into the Oms of yoga, preoccupied with my then multi-tasking life.

Now that I am able to relax into the ask and receive rhythm, I think it's time to ask for more.

Photo: Liesel Elliott

Springing Forth

Spring is in the air...even in ever sunny Hawaii. It's a natural biorhythm, the urge to purge and come up fresh.

Yoga Journal Magazine has a great selection this week of articles in the theme of spring cleaning. Everything from non-toxic cleaners to eco-friendly clothing. Read and enjoy Issue 251.

I've been inspired by a post by David Seah. I love reading his blog because although we deal in seemingly disparate professions, our intentions are often the same: to help people live better lives as we ourselves search for ways to live better lives.

Anyway, Dave wrote about mapping out his goals, even included a sketch, on the very day that I felt the urge to map my thoughts out. Dave also mentioned putting a book together and one of the possible publishing tools he suggested was Blurb. Self-publishing software services now offer fast and easy uploads and products. You don't have to buy a single book, just upload your photos and text and buy the number of books you want.

That made me think about our own budding blossoms, Krista and our prenatal yoga classes. Our time is limited as she's due at the end of May, but in many ways the sense of urgency is a good thing. Expect more posts on our Kona Yoga Prenatal Yoga book, replete with beautiful photos and inspiring sentiments.

Photo: Liesel Elliott

Beware the Golden Hammer

A golden hammer is any tool, technology, paradigm, snakeoil, buzzword, or similar whose proponents enthusiastically sing its praises. They predict that it will solve multiple problems, including some for which it is obviously not suitable. Likewise, a literal golden hammer looks highly impressive but is practically useless, as gold is a relatively soft and heavy metal.

The phrase "When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail" (Abraham Maslow) is similar to the concept of a golden hammer; once you have a tool that works for one task, you want to use it for everything just because it's available, and because you have already developed the skills to use it. -from Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia.

Thanks to the enthusiastic response to my emWave and Lymphatic Drainage introductory offer, I've had the privilege to work on a variety of people who have validated my supposition: Happy Heart + Happy Body = Happy Person. However, there were a few folks who were unable to feel relaxed with the challenge of a feedback device and/or a gentle-touch treatment and I prize them for the lesson.

As I said, "Ultimately, I realized that there is no ONE way and not even ONE RIGHT way, just simply MY way". When a "hit" or an intuitive light bulb turns on with success, we have to reiterate that even more emphatically: this is not THE one right way, but just ONE right way.

My quest remains: to inspire people to move to the State of Joy.  My M.O. is to simply offer the tools and opportunities with no designs on them ever being a golden hammer.

"Man Pounding Nails" by Terry Johnson.

Inherent Knowledge

“May we be fearless... from friends and enemies...from known and unknown ... from night and day...May all the directions be our allies.”
-Artharva Veda

When my son, Brede, was little and felt so burdened by homework, he'd implore (yes, he really did), "Why aren't we just born knowing all this stuff?" He had a valid point and I forget what wise answer I gave him. I hope he has too.

These days I find myself questioning all of that learned stuff. Many times throughout the day do I possess the same expression held by the dog and cat in this photo and my thought bubble says, "But I always thought..." and then I am pleasantly surprised by something new and improved.

I want my heart to be as open as my hamstrings are flexible so if I take my cue from yoga, it means practice. As one of my sources of joy states:

Get into the mode of practicing so much thoughts that feel good that they dominate. It is not a difficult thing to do, but it does take some practice. You've been practicing the other in most cases without knowing that you're doing it. This will be so much faster.

Practice feeling good. Practice being the one that does something about it. Practice letting everybody else off the hook. Practice standing in the middle of everything that does not please you and say, "Somebody should do something about that!" And then look right at yourself and say, "And I'm the guy. I'm the one, and I'm going to start right now. Now, let's see, what can I do about this?"

I guess the question still remains, "Why aren't we just born, knowing this stuff?"

Photo:Witzige Katzen-Bilder

Friendly Help

Practice 8: Another Function Key- A Little Help from Friends

As I mentioned in Practice 1: The Setting, there is no ONE way, or even ONE RIGHT way and that also applies to services and treatments that you might wish to select along the way. In the spirit of HeartRise, we're looking for practices and the practitioners who always manage to make us feel good. On the search for the path of least resistance, Friendly Help equates to people and things that open doors for you. They recognize that Well-Being is inherent and consistent within you and they are willing to help you to find the key.

I'll start with the circle that is closest to me and share my experiences: yoga, bodywork, allopathic and complementary healers, friends and relations. I hold close, all who play a part in my health and well-being.

Read Practices 1-8.