My Mother's Gift

"When I stopped seeing my mother with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who helped me give birth to myself."
-Nancy Friday

 

This is a photo of my mother, Clara Uechi, taken before she became a mother. I imagine that she was anxious as she applied color to her eyebrows and lips and brushed the curls in her hair to carefully frame her face. She might have wondered if she had chosen the best dress as she lifted her chin slightly to tie the bow beneath it. My mother has always been in my life and so it seems odd to think of her as having had a life without me. A child's myopic sense of importance, for sure.

When the photo was taken, it was a time in her life when dreams and wishes, needs and wants were all her own. As she became the mother of four during the span of 16 years, her love for each of us became a filter to her own needs and wants. She gave her time and energy to us first and what was left at the end of the four part process, she got to keep for herself.

That's my observation, as an adult. My mother, however, speaks of it in reverse. There were no filters because as each of us were born, more fuel was added to her fire. Our dreams and wishes as well as our needs and wants simply, and perhaps not consciously, became hers.

I think I can speak for my brothers (the oldest child's myopic sense of importance this time) when I say that we have never had to compete for our mother's love because no competition exists. She has one love, and it is in constant and unwavering supply. That love has made it easy for me to love myself, a gift as important as life itself.