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This Valentine's Day - Love Yourself

"In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart."
-Mahatma Gandhi

Ah yes, it's Valentine's Day this Thursday, and time to speak of matters of the heart. Far removed from its pagan and religious origins, February 14 may well be brought to you by card makers, florists, chocolatiers, jewelers and assorted eating establishments but they're all promoting Love! So I give it a thumbs up.

I'm willing to bet the little ruby ring on my pinkie that as a regular reader, you don't need much coaching in the "how to be more loving" department. We all have learned to say "I love you" in a multitude of ways. But I will propose that we steer our affections inward and speed it up a little. Show yourself some love. It's a lot like driving in reverse while looking in the mirror, the brain has to interpret just one more reflection of light. The more you practice, the better you get and you realize that it's not as dangerous as they say, this bit about loving yourself.

I remember a fairy tale about a woman making porridge and no matter how many bowls she served up, it kept overflowing with more. It flowed out the door and into the streets and people everywhere could pick up as much as they wanted. The supply was endless.

I imagine that loving yourself, truly and with no conditions, is a lot like being the cook in charge of nurturing yourself. If your heart overflowed with love, like that pot of porridge, you wouldn't worry about the supply running out or whether you were giving it to the most deserving. You could stand back in joy and let others come with either pots of their own, their entire village in tow, or with a small slotted spoon. When you give that much, you don't feel offended by those who take too little.

But first, feed yourself and have a Happy Valentine's Day.

"How to Love Yourself" - Louise Hay

Photo: Tommy Gunn Photography

Groundhog Day

It's Groundhog Day and Phil says six more weeks of winter! Even those of us in Hawaii could feel that coming. Our mountains are snow capped and it's cold even at sea level, where I live.

Despite that, telling me that winter will be around for another six weeks is as meaningful as saying that it's "20 below" where you live. "60 above" is cold to me so we're talking thermal undies and hula skirts here.

The significance of Groundhog Day for me this year, is that it's the start of my 2008 - The Year of Living Delightfully. Inspired by David Seah, to whom Groundhog Day serves as "a reminder to maintain a flexible, magical perspective on life", today is the first day of my wild expectations for the year. I plan to maintain a daily practice of the Mother Sequence of yoga postures and keep to a basically raw-until-dinner eating plan.

While it may not be as romantic as say A Year in Provence, as experienced by author, Peter Mayle, I'm excited about it as though I were embarking on a long trip to a distant, unfamiliar land. It's time for me to allow yoga to be light and entertaining as well as profound and fathomless.

This afternoon, when I got to the end of the sequence my only wish was that every practice session would be as stimulating and fresh as the day before. I want a new experience and another step to be waiting for me, everyday.

Follow along or join me at: 2008 - The Year of Living Delightfully

Photo: National Geographic

Winners all!

Deylin Lees

Look at the photo of a class doing a downward dog up there in the banner (second panel from the right), the woman on the left is Brenna Lees. While she lived in Kona, she was one of the most devoted yoga students. She and her husband David, and son Deylin, moved back to Las Vegas but we're still in touch through e-mail.

Yesterday, Brenna sent me a news video of Deylin, who used to attend Kahakai School. He made a Hole-in-One! Congratulations, Deylin! You can tell how proud his dad was in the interview, and we're proud of all of them. Way to go, Deylin!

Watch the interview: Download DeylinLees.wmv (1511.5K)

Zappos

I got another piece of good news from my brother, Jason, who forwarded a heart-warming blog post about a woman's experience with Zappos. An on-line store, Zappos says "We are a service company that happens to sell!" They certainly do keep to their promise.

Here's the post from Zazlamarr: http://www.zazlamarr.com/blog/?p=240

These are the kinds of stories that should be circulated by e-mails. I don't mind sending it to 10 friends within the next 8 minutes. Even if I don't get a surprise visit from the Lucky Charms leprechaun. (I hope it's still politically correct to use that term).

Photo: BBC-Hereford & Worcester

More Picnics!

"There's too much emotion, too much negative emotion: frustration, hatred, anger. I think that's the greatest obstacle. So I think as a first step this should be cooled down. Reduced. Forget these things. And I think for the time being, we need more festivals, more picinics. Let us forget these difficult things, these emotions, and make personal friends. Then we can start to talk about these serious matters."
Dalai Lama, quoted in Ode Magazine (September 2007)

In Saturday's yoga class, we talked about the benefits of keeping an open mind as I'd written a short post about it a few days earlier. We agreed that open minded people appear more youthful and vibrant. Every day brings them a chance for a new adventure.

While we all have opinions and thoughts on just about every subject imaginable, our beliefs should allow and encourage growth rather than a stubborn stagnation. As British writer Gilbert Chesterton said, "A weak mind is like a microscope, which magnifies trifling things but cannot receive great ones."

I like the Dalai Lama's suggestion to cool down and get happy through festivities. When we're not being challenged or threatened, our bodies can spend the time to heal and we're able to hear those instinctual whispers that lead us out of the ruts that habits form.

It will soon be the season for gathering and celebrating so this may be a good time to resolve to do things a bit differently. Celebrate with a new group of people or in a novel way or celebrate in the usual manner but with more positive attitudes and intentions.

You have nothing to lose. Either you'll make some new friends and have the best holiday season ever, or you'll acquire a new level of appreciation for the friends, family and traditions that you already have. If the thought of changing your holiday practices makes you uneasy, consider some of the introductory ideas listed on How to Exercise an Open Mind.

Photo:10 Questions for the Dalai Lama

A loud family!

"Good family life is never an accident but always an achievement by those who share it." -
- James H.S. Bossard

I'm back from my trip to Las Vegas where we celebrated my dad Fred's, eightieth birthday. The photo above may be the only one taken with us all together. We stopped talking and laughing just long enough to take a serious picture and resumed as soon as it was snapped. We're a loud family, from left to right: Les, Jason, Clara, Fred, Mel and me.

I'm the oldest of the brood, followed by Mel who lives in Las Vegas. When he lived in Kona, Mel had a machine shop and besides fabricating car and truck parts, he manufactured coffee pulpers and roasters used by many private label Kona Coffee farmers. His love of cars and racing took him to Las Vegas,  he has a machine shop and is the driver on a drag-racing team.

Les lives in San Francisco and works at the Huntington Hotel, a beautiful place on Nob Hill. He loves to travel and he's a track and field fan so he's flying to Japan next month to watch a championship event.

Jason is the youngest and works in New York. I got to visit him last October and got a taste of what life is like in the "big city". I helped him learn to read before he even went to kindergarten, and he now helps me with all things web-connected. A task that doesn't end, unlike learning to read.

We all have our own families so Fred and Clara have five grandchildren and one great-grandchild as well as the bragging rights for each child. We're a strong, happy family, in my opinion. We each have our talents, likes and dislikes, strengths and idiosyncrasies, parents included. We manage somehow, to treat it all with humor. No one ever says, "just kidding", which tells you that there's a basic amount of love and trust in each verbal jab.

In the opening chapter of Tolstoy's Anna Karenina, he says, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." There are dusty theories of birth order and sibling rivalry which for us, time and separation seem to dilute. Our intent was to celebrate, catch up with our lives and make sure our folks enjoyed themselves. Nothing stood in our way.

The Best Yet!

I was reading one of my favorite blogs yesterday, Senia.com, in which she referred to the Most, Best, First Game.  The object of the game is "to savor and find those items that are the 'most, best, first' experiences for you. Aim for one per day." You can play it anywhere, anytime, alone or with a number of people. It sounded so happy, light and free.  I made a mental note to try it.

It was early (5:30am) and it was also my birthday. Gradually, birthday messages began to appear via e-mail and then the phone calls began. I also made calls to people I know, who share the same birthday. A very sunny day was dawning in Kona.

Then I got a call from West Virginia to inform me that my dear Armand Singer had decided to "tap out". He's been in the hospital for 5 weeks now in the bravest battle of, and for, his life. Yesterday, he decided that he had had enough. Once I recovered from the reality of his decision, I began to feel as though he had given me a very special birthday present. It felt as though he was handing me something precious to take care of.

Throughout the day, I noticed so many things that qualified as the Most, Best and First.  I had run out of candles to light for Armand and made a note to stop at the store for more. Then the First birthday gift of the day were candles from my dear neighbor. Later, I had the Best massage ever from Moku (and his massages are always good), the Most delicious brownies from Krista. More gifts and phone calls poured in.

I taught a yoga class at 6pm and felt so energized from my massage that I decided that we'd go through the entire Mother Sequence. When we were done, a young man in the front row said, "This was the Best class yet!" Then I went home to find an arrangement of gifts on my kitchen counter (each item representing something about me), along with a dinner invitation. After a late night dinner in town, I could only say one thing, "This is the Best birthday I've ever had!"

I found myself playing the flip sides (Joy and Sadness) to Life's long-playing album all day, but Joy was the song that played the loudest and longest.

Thank you to all of you who participated in my Most, Best, First Game!

Photo: Scouting Plus

Here They Are!

James Dylan Graves! Isn't he handsome? Krista and Matt have every reason to fall asleep for days...but who can take their eyes off this 8 1/2 pound miracle?

They're all resting at the North Hawaii Community Hospital in a room with a beautiful view of the mountains. "Everybody here has been just great to us!" said Matt.

After a special Lunch for Two today, they'll give James his first ride back to Kona where he'll get to meet Harley and Otis, his canine brothers.

Hear it Here!

He's................ here!!! James arrived around 9am. Everyone's healthy and well! He's not even an hour old as I post this!

Photo:anya32

Light, Wait

My body feels ready, my mind feels ready, my spirit feels ready and still there is nothing I can do to "make" it happen....He will enter the world, and our lives, at the perfect time.
-Krista Graves, May 30, 2007

A few weeks ago, I attended a celebration for Krista known as a Blessingway. Each woman presented her with a special bead, which Krista's mother Janice, strung into a necklace. We gave her our blessings and showered her with praises. All, well deserved.

In turn, we were given a red string to tie around our wrist or ankle which we will cut after she gives birth, to symbolize the cutting of the umbilical cord. We all went home that night with a tall blue candle to be lit as soon as Krista goes into labor. As I write this at 9pm on Sunday evening, my candle is still lit, burning since 2:30pm on Saturday. Which means that Krista is still in labor.

I'm feeling a bit sleepy and tired because I've been up since 3am after a rather restless night, due to the combination of excitement and a flickering candle light. I can only imagine how Krista and Matt, and those who are attending the birth with them, must be feeling.

The candle light has served multiple purposes. It has given me a way to stay connected to Krista and her birthing process. Each time the light woke me up, I sent well wishes to baby James, Krista and all who were gathered around her. Then I would turn on my side and fall asleep again, over and over. My way was easy.

Throughout the day, whenever I looked over at the candle, I felt a surge of appreciation for all of the friends and activities surrounding this pregnancy and birth. The candle has given me a renewed respect for ceremony and ritual. It also reminded me of something my son's preschool teacher taught me: every child has a flame inside him, his spirit, and you should never say or do anything that would diminish that flame.

That same reverence and care should be afforded to everyone (our selves included) and to the events that we feel helpless to control. As I look at the candle, I am reminded that to "go with the flow" often means that each journey may take longer than we expected. It is, what it is. No more, or less. The flame makes no judgement, it just lights the way.

Photo: Meteorry

Waiting for James.

This is the day that Krista's baby James, is due to be born. We're all waiting...

Matt and Krista, pictured at water's edge, where they will probably spend a lot of their family time together, wait patiently. Loved ones and family are gathering! What more could a new being ask for than to be so welcomed and wanted?

Photo: Jerrie Stafford, Kailua-Kona